They say it's impossible to live without failure, although for the first 22 years of my life I came pretty darn close. Of course I wasn't perfect, but honestly, my last most notable failure was probably my 7th grade basketball season (and, ok, parallel parking, but I try not to dwell on that). I have pushed myself to succeed in every aspect of my life and have been so richly blessed, that I have not faced many failures. Naturally, I expected mission to be the same way.
Before departing for Bolivia, I wrote a personal mission statement: to see Jesus in the girls of the eHogar and to love them with the love of our Blessed Mother, Mary. My mission is incredibly simple, I just greatly underestimated how difficult it would be. There have been so many times this year when I lost my patience, miscommunicated, and failed to reflect the love of the Blessed Mother to the girls. That's right: FAILED.
Of course, this year has also been filled with many joys, but after swallowing the pill of perfectionism our culture so freely distributes, at times I was unable to appreciate the beautiful moments because I was wallowing in my mistakes. In my year as a missionary, I think the greatest lesson God has prepared for me was how to face my failures with an attitude of Christian charity.
Since the feast of Saints Peter and Paul in June, I have been reflecting on Peter's failure to follow Christ: he was the leader of the disciples and at the last supper told Jesus, "Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death," but only hours later fell asleep while Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemene and later Peter denied Jesus not once, but three times! And just like Peter did, I've had my share of times when I denied Christ rather than deny myself. And just like Peter must have felt, I've spent time this year feeling embarrassed by my failure as a disciple of Christ. But Christ doesn't look at Peter's failures. Rather, He sees his potential and grants him the grace to become the first Pope., the Rock of the Church! This example of redemption has been a guide of rme in how to acknowledge and overcome my failures: through the forgiveness and grace of God.
This year, I have learned to accept my failures, be humbled by them, and offer them back to God. That's right: God wants all of me (and you too, by the way) and He, better than anyone else, knows my failures. Every. Single. One. AND He knew them before he died on the cross, but he still paid for them all. He called me to mission as an SLM knowing that I wouldn't be perfect, but that, like Peter, He could inspire me with His grace to do good work here at the Hogar. Because, after all, this year wasn't about ME...it was about HIM. As St. Pope John Paul II remind us, "We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures; we are the sum of the Father's love for us and our real capacity to become the image of his Son."
Although I recognize that I have failed many times this year, my year as an SLM was certainly not a failure. I learned a lot about myself, fell deeper in love with Christ, and I did see Jesus in the beautiful girls and young women of Hogar Maria Auxiliadora. And maybe someday (by the grace of God) I will even learn to parallel park.
As my time in Bolivia draws to a close, I would like to acknowledge and thank some of the many amazing people who helped me through my year on mission:
First and foremost, I give all thanks and praise and glory to God for blessing me with this beautiful experience and reminding me to give thanks in all circumstances.
My wonderful and supportive parents, Brian and Jane Ann for encouraging and inspiring me
All of the amazing Salesians and the staff of the Salesian Lay Mission Program especially Adam Rudin for the million and one things they do for the program and for caring deeply about each individual missioner
My beautiful apartmates: Hannah, Sondra, Sara, Sarah, and Meghan for their many prayers, cards, skype dates, and senses of humor that kept me going when things got tough.
My fantastically-nerdy sister and brother-in-law, Genni and Cody Johnson, for fixing my technology troubles from thousands of miles away.
Fr. William Joensen, Dr. John Eby, and the Staff at Loras College Campus Ministry for writing top-notch letters of recommendation and encouraging me on my journey as a missionary
Dave Salvaterra for encouraging me from the beginning and animating me throughout the year
The Sisters of the Presentation and Associate, Barb Ressler, for a generous mission grant, for hosting me in Tarija, and for the prayerful support
Katie Heidorn, Kayle Young, Nancy Fazio and Ron Becicka for sending thoughtful care packages for me and the girls
Anna Lauterbach and Mark and Margaret Fenelon, for the kind and thoughtful letters and Ellen Reiss for being a caring and creative 'old-fashioned' pen-pal
My sweet Grandma, Marietta Blanchet, whose financial assistance made it possible for me to attend language school (and whose years of prayers probably assisted my missionary discerment process)
My most loyal blog-readers, Fr. Mike Mendl and Robert Flounder Ward, whose encouraging comments kept me posting
To these, and to all those who held me in their hearts this year, a sincere and grateful gracias! I couldn't have done it without you. “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” (Numbers 6:24-26)
 These past few weeks have gone by in an amazing blur! The new SLMs arrived and it has been a blessing to get to know them and see what gifts they will bring to their year of service in the Hogar.. On their first day, still tired and jet-lagged, they were great sports about learning dances we were planning to perform for the girls for Dia del Estudiante. They've also been sharing many talents with the girls, such as sinigng, playing guitar, and braiding hair. I have enjoied watching them begin to build relaitonships with the girls and am confidant that all three will have a blessed experience in the Hogar.
 We also recently celebrated my 23rd birthday. I was showered with love all day, from being woken up by the girls singing happy birthday, to finding the room of my door decorated with balloons and streamers, to a surprise party and talent show the girls and Sisters put on for me. A year ago, I had recently arrived in Bolivia and celebrated my birthday with my Bolivian host-family while I was studying Spanish; celebrating my 23rd birthday at the Hogar was an excellent opportunity to refelct on the many changes and amazing experiences I've had this past year. My mission experience has challenged me in many unexpected ways, but has shown me that truly, "with God all things are possible.." And this is a message I will need to keep in mind as I prepare for my transion back home. I am scheduled to leave Bolivia on October 15th and I know that saying goodbye will be difficult, but I will have lots of opportunities to spend time with the girls these next two weeks.
 "It's the little things"...we've heard this phrase time and again, the idea being that we should be satisfied with the simple things in life. This is, of course, a lovely idea, though difficult to put into practice. I often find myself worrying about what I'll be doing years down the road, rather than focusing on the present moment. That's why it's so wonderful to spend time with children! The girls of Hogar Maria Auxiliadora are constantly excited by 'the little things'. I recently accompanied girls to the airport as we bid goodbye to my beautiful site partner, Michelle. I paid no attention to the electric hand dryer in the bathroom, but the girls loved it! (Seriously, just check out their faces in this picture!). Their excitement was infectious and I joined in playing and giggling about the hand dryer until our hands were more than dry. They later had just as much fun with the escalator and the water sprinklers. It's so refreshing to see the girls delighted by these simple things; their joyful hearts transformed the boring, adult airport-world into an exciting adventure!
| I saw the same joy in the girls as we prepared for Michelle's going away party. When some of the older girls found out I know the words to the songs from Grease, they insisted that I sing while they dance in a variety show for Michelle. I was worried about having time to practice and prepare, but the girl weren't! "if we don't have time to practice," one of them told me, "we'll just make it up as we go along!" For her, it wasn't the product that was important, but the mere action of sharing our gifts with someone we love. We did end up singing and dancing and it was a ball! And the little time we spent practicign was filled with laughter. The younger girls were just as delightful! They had a lot of fun playing with the balloons we were using to decorate the salon. They certainly brought that same joy into saying goodbye to Michelle and she received a send-off filled with lots of love and hugs! Despite the difficulty of saying goodbye, I know that both Michelle and I (as well as the other SLMs who work at Hogar MA) will take home lots of special memories, not of the big events, but of the simple, everyday joys shared with these beautiful girls. I thank Michelle for her guidance and friendship this year and wish her many blessings and simple joys as she heads to grad school this fall!
| |
In order that they may be able to bear more fruitful witness to Christ, let (missionaries) be joined to those peoples by esteem and love; let them acknowledge themselves to be members of the group of people among whom they live; let them share in cultural and social life by the various. undertakings and enterprises of human living; let them be familiar with their national and religious traditions; let them gladly and reverently lay bare the seeds of the Word which lie hidden among their neighbors...let them awaken in them a yearning for that truth and charity which God has revealed. Even as Christ Himself searched the hearts of people, and led them to divine light, so also His disciples, profoundly penetrated by the Spirit of Christ, should show the people among whom they live, and should converse with them, that they themselves may learn by sincere and patient dialogue what treasures a generous God has distributed among the nations of the earth. But at the same time, let them try to furbish these treasures, set them free, and bring them under the dominion of God their Savior. I discovered this gem of a quote while reading The Second Vatican Council's 1965 Ad Gentes, Decree on the Missionary Activity of the Church, in preparation for our recnt SLM retreat. It struck me because it lays a beautiful foundation for the mission of all SLMs, that is: immersion in the culture and dialogue, not with the intent of preaching, but to find Christ already in the cultures and people to whom we are sent. At our retreat, Michelle and I asked the SLMs in Bolivia to reflect on this quote and consider what treasures we have discovered in Bolivia and how those treasures may reveal truths of the Faith. Below are some of the treasuresI have discovered during my time as a missionary in Bolivia:
 COLOR (COLOR)- Bolivia is a very colorful country; everywhere you look, your eyes meet with beautiful homemade aguayo, a brightly-colored textile. Traditional Andian clothing is also brilliantly-colored and reflexts the dramatic colors of the beautiful Bolivian landscape.
FAMILIA (FAMILY)- Family is extremely important to Bolivian people. Children typically live with thier parents or other relatives until they are married and extended family is just as valued as the nucular family. Even in the orphanage where many of the girls do not have parents to take care of them, the majority of the girls have some family members who come to visit on a regular basis.
COMUNIDAD (COMMUNITY)-In the area of Bolivia where I am living, communities come together in worship, celebration, and work. There seems to be an attitude that 'it takes a village' to raise a child and I have often overheard strangers offering parenting advice. Hospitality is widly shown and women in particular go to great lengths to make neighbors feel welcome in their homes. Whether staying with my host family while at language school, living at the Hogar with the Sisters, or visiting with new friends, I have always felt very welcomed and cared for.
NATURALEZA (NATURE)- Bolivia boasts a breath-taking mosaic of mountians, rivers, jungle, pains, and the famous Salt Flats of Uyuni. It has been a joy to do some traveling in Bolivia and experience the majesty of God's creation in many forms.
TRABAJO (HARD WORK)- The Bolivians I have encountered are incredibly hard-working people. Weather they farm the land or work in business, a hearty work-ethic is importnat to the people of Cochabamba. It is a beautiful reminder that no matter what work we are doing, we can praise the Lord through our labor.
CELEBRACION (CELEBRATION)- There's no doubt about it: Bolivians love to celebrate! Nearly every week there is some sort of festival. Many of these celebrations have become a mixture of traditional Andian culture with Catholic religious celebraitons and many of them boast music, traditional Bolivian dancing, and delicious food. It is a joy to celebrate with the community of Itocta and with the girls of the Hogar.
 The other reflections, prayers, and fellowship of our retreat proved just as fruitful as this one.. We stayed in a small inn about 20 minutes outside the small town of Torotoro, Bolivia. We walked into town for Mass on Saturday night and were hurrying up to the church steps just as the bells began to chime. As we passed an older man headed in the same direction, Michelle asked if he was hurrying to get to Mass as well. He chuckled and said that yes, he was. When he walked onto the altar in his vestments we realized why he had laughed. As we found our seats, locals quickly got up from thiers-- to get us song books. It was a beautiful gesture of welcome, but we opend the books to find we didn't recognize any of the words; the books were in Quechua, a native Andian language. The Mass was half in Quechua and half in Spanish, but throughly a treasure to participate in. It was beautiful to see the mix of the Catholic Mass which is so familiar to me, with the traditonal Andian culture whcih I am just learning about. After Mass, the priest, Padre Jesus Maria, introduced himself and told us this history of the image of Santiago (St. James, for whom the church is named) riding a white horse and the history of El Camino de Santiago. We also enjoied days of hiking and even ventured into a cave. What a refreshing time to spend with my friends and fellow SLMs!
 Melody and me, api happy Welcome to hogar-lopedia, the blog encyclopedia of completely invented words that describe some of my experiences on mission in Bolivia
Api Happy- the feeling of finding out we're having delicious purple corn drink for breakfast.
Godffiti- religious-themed graffiti (note: the theme or message of the graffiti must be religious, not merely appearing on a church or other religious artifact)
Jumper Dash, The- an occurrence each week day which includes all the younger girls frantically searching for their school uniforms (with various amounts of success)
Mailation- the feeling for elation accompanied by receiving mail
Mangasm- the feeling of pleasure enjoyed while eating a delicious ripe mango
Mango face- the external physical effect of eating a mango, includes a yellowish color around the mouth and strings of mango stuck in the teeth. (note: this is very closely related to mangohands and mangohair)
Mis-breviary- a misreading of the Liturgy of the Hours. Mis-breviarys have invented Biblical passages such as "The pan of the Lord is upon me", "He holds hands with the depths of the earth", and "so immeasurably generous is God's flavor."
Mormencounter- the more-common-than-you-might-think encounter with young Mormon missionaries in Bolivia
Trufi Shuffle, The- Usually lasting from 20 to 60 minutes, the Trufi Shuffle is moving from block to block in the search for appropriate public transportation
 In my previous blog post (posted on Mothers' Day in the U..S.), I described my desire to be a 'mother' as an important aspect of my discernment of my mission site.; That the SLMs at Hogar Maria Auxiliadora view ourselves as being in a motherly role for the girls is an extremely important aspect of our mission. At the Hogar, we recently celebrated Dia de las Madres (Bolivian Mothers' Day) and seeing how the girls of the Hogar view the Sisters and SLMs as mothers was affirming and touching.
 To celebrate, the Sisters and Volunteers went to daily Mass and the gir.ls prepared a special dinner while we were out. We returned to plates heaping with delicious Pique Machu. After we ate, the girls performed a special talent show. All of the girls participated in songs and dance routines and one of the little ones even recited a poem about mothers she had momorized for the occasion. Next, the girls has surprise presents for each of us and Michelle and I are now sporting cute Bolivian hats and mittens-- perfect for the cold winter mornings. Although the surprises were wonderful, the best part of Dia de las Madres was the love and gratitude the girls shared. Our role as spiritual mothers is to help the girls grow into the holy women God wants them to be; experiencing the love and care with which they planned the special occasion was a window into the love of Christ in thier souls.
 We also recently celebrated the fest of Maria Auxiliadora (Mary Help of Christians), namesake and patroness of our Hogar. We had a day of fun playing Sisters v. girls soccer and basketball games and then Padre Pepe came to say a special Mass in the Hogar. After Mass we had a procession of Maria Auxiliadora through the Hogar and Padre blessed all the images of Mary. What a blessing it is to see the girls devotion to The Blessed Mother. It's also a blessing to live in a home named after Maria Auxiliadora-- there are lots of challenges in mission life, so I need all the hlep I can get. Our Lady, Help of Christians, pray for us!
"Let us run to Mary, and, as her little children, cast ourselves into her arms with a perfect confidence." --Saint Francis de Sales
 When I was first accepted into the Salesian Lay Missioners program, I did not think I would be a missionary in Bolivia; after all, I don't speak Spanish, I told myself, so there's no chance I will get placed in South America. I was also told there was a need for teachers in India, so after telling our Director I was open to being placed in the site with greatest need, I began mentally preparing myself for a year in India. After hearing more about the sites in Bolivia on discerment weekend, though, something began tugging at my heart. I asked for a more detailed site description for each of the sites in Bolivia and after the first sentance for the Hogar Maria Auxiliadora description, I knew that was the place for me. Each site description began with the role of the SLMs there; the other sites listed teacher, tutor, nurse....the role for SLMs at Hogar Maria Auxiliadora: mother and friend. I've always wanted to be a mom. Perhaps this is the result of growing up with seven siblings, or perhaps just the way God made me, but as soon as I read that the role of SLMs in Cochabamba, Bolivia was mother and friend, I knew that's where God wanted me to be..
 I don't have children of my own, but I do believe that my role as a missionary is very similar to the day to day lives of many moms. I wipe noses and tears, clean up spills and throw up, help with homework, braid hair, sing lullabies, kiss boo-boos, and give and recieve lots and lots of hugs! It has been such a blessing to be put in such a formative role for the girls and young women at the Hogar. More than ever before, I am conscious of how important it is to be a good role model. Thankfully, I have some great motherhood role models myself. My own mother has been an amazing source of support and advice for my mission and wrking here has opened my eyes to the many daily sacrifices she made as a stay at home mom.
 I'm also blessed to have a PERFECT example of motherhood: Mary! She's Queen of the Family, Cause of Our Joy, Woman of Grace, Help of Christians...she's the Mother of Christ, Mother of the Church, Mother Thrice Admirable, and she longs to have an intimate mother-child relationship with us all. When my mission is difficult, I lift up my struggles to her and, no stranger to suffering herslef, I know she'll provide the grace to see me through it.
Prayer to the Mother of the Lord for all Mothers from catholic.org
Mary, on this day when we honor all mothers, we turn to you. We thank the Lord whom you serve for the great gift of motherhood. Never has it been known that anyone who sought your intercesion was left unaided by grace. Dear Mother, thank you for your “Yes” to the invitation of the angel which brought heaven to earth and changed human history. You opened yourself to God’s word and the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us.
Dear mother, intercede for all of our mothers. Ask your Divine Son to give them the grace of surrendered love so that they could join with you in giving their own “Fiat.” May they find daily strength to say yes to the call to the sacrificial love- the very heart of the vocation of motherhood. May their love and witness be a source of great inspiration for all of us called to follow your Son. On this Mothers day, Mother of the Word Incarnate, pray for us who have recourse to you
 Michelle and I recently took a short retreat to attended a lecture-series for missionaries in Bolivia entitled: Prophetic Dialogues. The talks were given by Dr. Laurie Brink, a Dominican Sister of Sinsinawa and Associate Professor of New Testament Studies at Catholic Theological Union in Chicago. Much of Brink's talks were based off of the book, Prophetic Dialogue: Reflections on Christian Mission Today by Stephen Bevans and Roger Schroeder. The idea of Prophetic Dialogue is that when engaging in scripture study while on mission, missionaries need not tell the local people how to interpret the text, but rather, to dialogue with them as a way of reaching new (prophetic) ideas and insights supported by our individual backgrounds and differences. This "strategy of otherness and engagement" provides a lens through which to read and understand biblical passages. However, Bevans and Schroeded claim that prophetic dialogue is more than a strategy for interpretation, but a spirituality for mission.
The idea of prophetic dialogue reminded me to be conscience of how I approach others on mission. "Mission as dialogue requires that vulnerability, humility, and openness to the other frame the encounter. And prophetic dialogue qualifies the conversation," Brink says. We need to be open to the others we encounter on mission, but also to recognize the unique social location from which we come and above all, be rooted in our faith. "Christians must speak in the context of dialogue, but we must speak, for we indeed have something to say: we are not shamed of the gospel, because ‘it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who has faith."
The group of 30 or so conference-attendees was extremely diverse: ranging from 20-something lay people like me with 1-3 year mission commitments, to religious septuagenarians who have devoted the past three decades to mission work. While the talk was enriching and engaging, I also savored the opportunity to meet new people in the Cochabamba area and to speak in English for a while! As we engaged eachother in conversation I felt supported and affirmed in my unique call to mission. Thanks to Laurie's talk, I hope I can bring those same feelings to the girls I aim to serve.
 During the rest of our retreat, Michelle and I found some much-needed time to play and to relax. We even found Iglesia San Rafael, the parish founded by fellow Iowan, Father Ray Herman, for whom the Loras College Peace and Justice Center is named. Fr. Herman was murdered near Cochabamba in 1975 after 13 years of serving Bolivia's poor. Standing at his parish, I couldn't help but think that his mission in Bolivia was an encarnation of prophetic dilogue: of vulnerability, humility, and openness. I continue to be inspired by his life, as well as by the many amazing people at Loras College Peace and Justice..
"The voice of our otherness becomes a voice of and for liberation: not afraid to expose, critique, and provide an alternative vision and narrative; grounded in mixture as something not to be eschewed and marginalized but valued and engaged; and committed to the fundamental principles of freedom and justice." -Fernando F. Segovia
 "Things are always just a little bit harder during Lent, aren't they?" my mom commented durring a phone call home a few weeks ago. Of course, this may not be true of everyone's Lenten season, but it certainly was true of mine this year. For many reasons, the past month has been very stressful and difficult for me as a missionary. Being Let, though, I recognized my challenges as an opportunity to unite my suffering with the crucified Christ (and for the times when I failed miserably, I was all the more grateful for His Passion). For me, Easter Sunday marked exactly 6 months of copleated mission work, but more than that, a new start: a beautiful invitation for me to breathe new life into my ministry. Despite the challenges of past months, with the help of The Risen Christ, I can transform my attitude and truly live as a desciple of Christ for the next 6 months (well, I'll try my best).
 Easter at the Hogar was quite an event! On Holy Saturday everyone piled into large, rented vans to attend the Easter Vigil in a nearby community. Despite the girls' candle sword-fights and dripped wax, the Mass was absolutely beautiful. We watched as a group of youg people were baptized into the Church and sitting next to me, an 8-year-old who was to be baptized the following morning snuggled her head against myshoulder and loked up at me whispering "I'm so excited!" several times. Her joy was contagious and it was such a blessing to share in her Baptismal day. On Easter morning, Michelle and I got up early to hide Easter eggs for the girls. They had a lot of fun searching for eggs and even the Sisters got excited about they very first egg hunt!
 After a noon Easter mass, we enjoied a veritable banquet the girls had prepared. It was a wonderful time to celebrate just by being together. We ended our Easter day by playing a game of soccer and playing at the park together.
I pray that the Risen Christ live in me and guide my hands and feet in doing His will as I continue to work with the girls and young women of Hogar Maria Auxiliadora. God bless you all this Easter season!
|
RSS Feed